Health Conscious Ponderer Pillows

"Either you give up all that unhealthy stuff and live another 30 years or you go on as before, have a blast for about 10 or 11 years and then die happy, satisfied and drunken."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Running

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Wash your hands

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Lactose intolerance.

'Is it organic?'

Spring.

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

'The medical reimbursement system is sick and there is no race for the cure.'

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'At least my blood pressure is nice and low.'