Health And Safety Nerd Pillows

'I'm sorry to disturb you, but new health and safety rules prohibit me from climbing down your chimney.'

'Maybe we should have listened when he complained about the flourescent lighting.'

Jerry, incoming!

Man sees danger of death sign. Arrows from sign are locked up.

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

Safety Barriers

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

"OSHA is going to hear about this!"

'This is your lucky day!'

Speeding Forklift

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

"...And now step 2 disconnect power before plugging in..."

"Tarzan hate frivolous lawsuits."

'I am prosecuting you for a breach of article 5 of the explosives act, storing black powder in a dangerous manor on unlicensed premises.'

Man from 'Environmental Health visits a caf� run by bugs

Safety last.

The waitstaff at Luigi's like to have fun when they administered the Heimlich maneuver.

"Cautious and considerate? Door on the left, one mask each. Selfish and ignorant? Door on the right, do as you please."

'Sorry boss, I've decided to live dangerously and become a shelf filler.'

Troubles with a vacuum cleaner

'I need the welder to fix the guard on that pump.'

'I burnt my hand in hot water.' - 'Why didn't you feel it before putting your hand in?'

"If mum's aerobic classes are to continue I'll need a passenger safety airbag fitted!"

'These hot springs are great: I really do prefer food that's been washed in hot water...'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Well, maybe the world isn't quite ready for our ultra-deluxe smooth glide 36 blade razor.'

'I'm not allowed in the water until I can swim.'

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

The Diabetic Hummingbird Feeder

Book in library - 'Crash tests for dummies' (being read by a crash test dummy).

Disabilities and Health & Safety