Head Of The House Chuckler Gifts

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"What's Tim doing on the window ledge?"

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

You know what I like about our meetings? There's always more finger pulling than pointing.

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

"Well, I thought installing a kitchen faucet without having to call the plumber was a pretty good 'praise'."

"That's where I do 'my business'."

"I'm sorry, James...but I'm afraid Jelly Beans aren't a vegetable!"

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'Bless you!'

Re-explore familiar surroundings. You may come across some fresh, new surprises!

"Dang!! Wrong hole."

"If she can find all the bones she's buried, she's my next investment counselor."

I brought two #1 pencils.

"What's for dinner, Madge? I'll be home soon."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'Let's put it this way, part of you was offside!'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

Is it true that all cats are free thinkers? Yeah, we can't stand dogma.

'Trevor still can't get his head around the fact that Tim isn't Oxbridge.'

'...and I promise not to make any rash promises...OOPS!'

'Do these burgers taste funny to you?'