Haute Cuisine Humorist Gifts

"This is one of those places the truckers stop to eat at."

"I'll have the filet mignon aux legumes et fruit d'hiver, with extra cheese."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"States of tofu"

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Soup of the month.

6 Brothers Falafel

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Chez Nous Menu

"That's it. We’re toast."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Night of the Latkes

Wok. Don't Wok.

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Ninja bread men"

Cookbooks

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Would you like some wings?"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."