Harry Potter Skeptic Gifts

"My parents sent me- I don't like Harry Potter."

'I need a spell to vanquish Harry Potter hype.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"Gosh! Look what he's done to his Harry Potter books..."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

Cupid's Valentine

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

'Welcome to the first support group for people who wish they were at Hogwarts.'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

"And you're telling me this because?"

Maybe the kids shouldn't watch the evening news.

Clever youth stating that he considers Shakespeare overrated

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

Hogwarts Academy. What magic? This is a veterinary school specializing in swine skin conditions.

"Not on my watch..."

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

"I've never been what you'd call an 'ethics head.' "

"He's the guy I'm interested in. He's just not the kind of guy I'm interested in."

"I've been getting a second opinion."