Happy Hound Hero Gifts

'That was fun!'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Cat in Tree.

"What about the five that fell through?"

News and Magazines. Tax Bill Debate. The trickle-down can never compete with siphon-up.

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

"Consider yourself chased."

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'No need to shout.'

Litter.

'Good dog!'

'There was an extra 50 miles on my bike this week. I couldn't keep you off the couch, now this?'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

"Are the hot dogs the burned ones or the really burned ones?"

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

What's not to like? They're cheap, tasty adn don't destroy the Rain Forest.

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

Playing with the dog with a boomerang.

"Gracie, would you like to live in jar?"

What's a Texas Tommy? A hot dog stuffed with cheese and wrapped in bacon. Little Pete's Sounds great. Does it come with anything? A coronary.

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Why dogs hate CPR.

Bingo's Time Out - Part Four

Canine Scent-ipede

"And yet, I too am a still life."

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'