Happy Hound Gifts

'That was fun!'

Love a Mutt

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Cake

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."

Doggie door in The Pearly Gates.

"She got a brand new whip for her birthday."

"Consider yourself chased."

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Hair of the dog spots: christmas jumper

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'No need to shout.'

'Good dog!'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

'There was an extra 50 miles on my bike this week. I couldn't keep you off the couch, now this?'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

'Fred, we've been together too long!'

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Playing with the dog with a boomerang.

Canine Scent-ipede

"And yet, I too am a still life."

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

'I knew him before he became a police dog!'

'Why good dogs go bad.'

"Looks like they're going to have a dog fight."