Happy Hound Pillows

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

'That was fun!'

Love a Mutt

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Cake

News and Magazines. Tax Bill Debate. The trickle-down can never compete with siphon-up.

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."

Doggie door in The Pearly Gates.

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Hair of the dog spots: christmas jumper

"She got a brand new whip for her birthday."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"Consider yourself chased."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'No need to shout.'

'Good dog!'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

'There was an extra 50 miles on my bike this week. I couldn't keep you off the couch, now this?'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

'Fred, we've been together too long!'

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Canine Scent-ipede

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

"And yet, I too am a still life."

Playing with the dog with a boomerang.

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

'I knew him before he became a police dog!'

'Why good dogs go bad.'

"I'm the owner of Happy Pappy's comedy club. Here's my card. Call me."