Happily Unmarried Pillows

Bachelor Cake

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

'Don't worry too much about it dear, just say I do and we can get on with the honeymoon.'

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

Wedding - throw the bouquet and the little black book.

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

Susie's single status had spread to her socks.

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

He's Tasty!

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

Boyfriend Shirt.

"Lucky!"

"Note to self...'NICE APPS' is not a good opening line."

'Dear Dairy, Well... I met someone, and I think she could be Mrs. Alright.'

Augmented reality check

"I used to think maybe I was the problem but then I realized she was just a bitch."

All my friends are getting married. I'm just getting drunk.

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

"Cute... But way too young."

First singles bar! 'I ain't married!'

Northern chat up lines: 'You don't sweat much for a fat lass'

"Will you stop doing that please? Isn't it obvious to you that I just don't fancy him?!"

"Right swipe, right swipe, right swipe..."

"So, when are you gonna find a woman?"