Hangover Heroes Pillows

"Ugh, I'm too hungover for salvation-come back later."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Your Guide to Winning Movember

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

"Hey! Hey! I could gopher another lemon drop over here, please and thank you."

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

Join me in a Caiprinha!

"Oh, God! I had EXACTLY the right amount to drink last night."

"It's a full moon somewhere."

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

The Politics of Food.

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"You don't understand, Mom. Our staying in and watching TV is not the same as you and Dad staying home and watching TV in Dayton, Ohio."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

Pints of Lager

'It was a lot more congenial when we had happy hour.'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."