Hungover Hero Pillows

'Ok Mr Cook jump! It's the perfect hangover cure.'

'Forget it... just black coffee'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

Best Before 5th Pint.

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

"'What I wanted to do, but could not, during my socially-distanced summer vacation this year'..."

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

"Hey! Hey! I could gopher another lemon drop over here, please and thank you."

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

Larry was always invited on camping trips because of his ice chest

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

Join me in a Caiprinha!

"It's a full moon somewhere."

"Oh, God! I had EXACTLY the right amount to drink last night."

The Politics of Food.

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

'This is the part of the rat race that I don't challenge.'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

'It was a lot more congenial when we had happy hour.'

Pints of Lager

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'