Hoover Hero Pillows

'Now that he's retired I've shown him where the hoover is.'

"It's all right for you, my job sucks."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"You must be the newly qualified driver."

Lanes Closed for the Hell of It

Your Guide to Winning Movember

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

"My name is Leonard, and I'll be your auto mechanic for today."

Make up your mind. Next exit 500 miles.

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

Say speed

"I like keeping bees, but it's so hard keeping all their names straight."

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

man juggling career, home and children

"Yes, the migration flight home is always faster, but it's thanks to the prevailing winds, not just because we're keen to get home..."

'I'm racing him in the 4.30.'

'Love your renovations.'

Way to go

Speed limit 70mph and up.

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

Baby clinging to beard

"Uggh! Who am I?" 'Rory Bremner wakes up with a hangover'

"Well he's sweating, pale, and out of breath, but then again he's not used to being home doing the housework."

A 'failed' brake check!

'Say, Doc, I'll need more of that steroid stuff for old King. He's still kind of peaked. Must need some heavy doses."

"You had me at pumpkin."

'Most of all, I want a long-term highway bill.'

'This baby can do zero to sixty in four seconds flat!!'

"It's getting harder and harder to be different around here."