Halloween Joker Pillows

"Ohboy! Another kit kat!"

Skeleton playing the violin

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

Night of the Latkes

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

Get crazy once in a while

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

Santa's Helpers

"A little under done?"

"Maybe we should just let heaven and nature sing."

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

Christmas tree exchange

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

"It was a botched surgery."

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Those aren't sprinkles! they're FLEAS!!!! 'I made it from scratch.'

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

Ice-Cube-IV

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

Adult Absence Notes.

Santa Claws...

Toilet humour

"The other reindeer sent me back to the smoking section."

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'