The Joker Pillows

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'How about a game of cards?'

Get crazy once in a while

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'The most moving part, for me, is when they explain how to fuse the main pipe to the power hose.'

'I'm surprised the boss isn't in here checking up on us!'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

Toilet humour

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

Adult Absence Notes.

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

Keats's heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains his sense.

"He claims to be self aware but he clearly can't read a room."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

'Good book?'

Here lies BoBo the Clown

'You again? OK, pal... I'm deleting you and this time you're going to stay deleted!' ~ the screen saver of Dorian Gray.

Skywriter's Block

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

No infrastructure problem here

Mr. Bubbles was beginning to regret sending his son off to clown college. 'Is that what they teach you, up at that fancy school of yours?!'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."