Halloween Humor Gifts

'Grab the wand! Grab the wand!'

"I got an EpiPen!"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

Zombie standup

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

Love at First Sight

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Swinging on a star.

Transylvanian backpackers.

"Here we are."

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'He likes to power nap.'

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

A Guide to Balloon Animals

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO