Halloween Humorist Gifts

The Wicked Witch of the Southwest

Dentist: Pumpkin before and after.

"I don't suppose you remembered the tax-deduction forms that I asked you to bring last year, did you?"

'A friend has added you on FaceBoo.'

'I told you, Frank, if you're going to invite your werewolf buddies over, you have to clean up after them!'

"Peanuts, lactose and gluten are fine. I'm checking for garlic."

"Here are some broccoli florets - for you and you and you!"

'You can't wear that on site!....

'She won't admit it, but I think she's had a facelift and a nose job.'

Halloween health & safety.

'Sorry buddy, we don't serve spirits here!'

"I have fun-size kale bars for those using recyclable bags."

Job Safety - Pumpkin.

"You know, you wouldn't be blind if you would poke holes in your sheet."

"Mr. Cole the baker gave me a cupcake, Dr. Keener the dentist gave me a toothbrush, and Dr. Sims the vet gave me a rabies shot."

'There's no mistake madam. Your son is wearing the 'junior taxman' playsuit.'

'...And just a pince of stem cells.'

'Wow, yours even has a spell check.'

Ghost appears to be struggling within sheet. Fellow ghost says: 'I warned you never to use fitted sheets.'

"He had a lot of boos and he's three sheets to the wind."

"Actually, it's just Jack Lantern, there's no Irish in my family."

Witches in kitchen, sign for man says 'Your dinner's in the coven'.

'Wow, what a hothead!'

Iran Goes Trick or Treating.

'It's the scariest costume Dad could think of...Mom's attorney.'

The following is a paid political announcement.

Proctologist

'Your individual results may vary.'

Witch on stair lift.

Morgue.

'You're so soft today. Did you switch to 2-ply?'

'Come to think of it...there is garlic in the soup.'

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

Tax Inspector Halloween Costume

' Look - a blood sucking vampire! And behind Heather Mills are some trick or treaters...'