Halloween Humorist Gifts

The Wicked Witch of the Southwest

"I don't suppose you remembered the tax-deduction forms that I asked you to bring last year, did you?"

'I told you, Frank, if you're going to invite your werewolf buddies over, you have to clean up after them!'

"Here are some broccoli florets - for you and you and you!"

"Peanuts, lactose and gluten are fine. I'm checking for garlic."

'You can't wear that on site!....

'Sorry buddy, we don't serve spirits here!'

'She won't admit it, but I think she's had a facelift and a nose job.'

Halloween health & safety.

"I have fun-size kale bars for those using recyclable bags."

"Mr. Cole the baker gave me a cupcake, Dr. Keener the dentist gave me a toothbrush, and Dr. Sims the vet gave me a rabies shot."

"Actually, it's just Jack Lantern, there's no Irish in my family."

"You know, you wouldn't be blind if you would poke holes in your sheet."

Job Safety - Pumpkin.

Ghost appears to be struggling within sheet. Fellow ghost says: 'I warned you never to use fitted sheets.'

'Wow, yours even has a spell check.'

'There's no mistake madam. Your son is wearing the 'junior taxman' playsuit.'

'...And just a pince of stem cells.'

"You've got to help her ... she has developed a fear of flying."

Macbeth: Take Two

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

"Ask if they do takeaway."

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

"Last year I went as a vacuum cleaner. Scared the heck out of everyone."

'Come to think of it...there is garlic in the soup.'

"I think I'd have a lot more fun if these candy bars were full size instead of fun size."

"Aww, a cute little ghost...and what's the trick if I don't give you a treat?"

"I want a costume that will scare grownups. What does an underfunded retirement account look like?"

A few Halloween costume ideas.

'Wow, what a hothead!'

Tax Inspector Halloween Costume

Morgue.

Iran Goes Trick or Treating.

Witch on stair lift.

"Oh. When you said you were coming as a nurse, I imagined something else."