Habitual Philosopher Gifts

'Maybe we shouldn't have kicked all our bad habits.'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"I should've never studied canon law."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

The Three Kinds of People

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"So that's where you were last night."

'...Sometimes the sheer monotony of it all just gets me down.'

"I don't believe in egrets."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

'Okay - who leaked?'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."