Habitual Philosopher Pillows

'Maybe we shouldn't have kicked all our bad habits.'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

The Three Kinds of People

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'...Sometimes the sheer monotony of it all just gets me down.'

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"I don't believe in egrets."

"So that's where you were last night."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'Okay - who leaked?'

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'