Guru Challenger Gifts

'Move over, buster -- affirmative action!'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

Lawnmower

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

High Jump

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

"I don't care how sick you feel; don't drop it."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

First you say I should "know thyself" and then you tell me to extinguish my ego!

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

Define gravity! - Next Exit.

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

Do not ask if you are truly hitting yourself. Rather, ask why are you hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself. Guru Brothers.

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

Spring cleaning.

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

Generic Products

"Muroski, I said we need a couple more POKER players..."

'Unfortunately, Mr.Beckons, your son Dean is very allergic to grass. . .'

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.