Guru Challenger Mugs

'Move over, buster -- affirmative action!'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Lawnmower

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

High Jump

"I don't care how sick you feel; don't drop it."

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

Define gravity! - Next Exit.

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

Spring cleaning.

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

Generic Products

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

'If your guru business is slow, do what I did. Get a professional website presence on the Internet. That's how you found me, right?'

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."