Guru Chaser Gifts

Lesson learned, am I right? I went to the guru and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"Had more ghost-hunters 'round my place last night....scared the daylights outta me!"

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

'If the universe and everything in it is expanding, how come our budget gets shrunk all the time?'

Tourist and Butterfly and Goat

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

'I'm bored.' - 'I'm bored and hot.'

"You are going on a long journey, with 2 breakdowns and no..."

Golfers lost on the road

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

'We don't know HOW to surf - Can't you part the sea or something?'

'Notice how business is up 200% since putting up that sign.'

Violin Ghost

'Man that REALLY BUGS ME when a robbery call out turns into a WILD-GOOSE chase!' (Police chasing a goose driving a car).

'We'll make this a s?ance they'll never forget, eh Richie?!'

'Donna has been taking FENG SHUI classes.'

"Sorry - just getting back from a guru retreat."

Next Wise Man Please.

Combating Zika

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

'This is goodbye, Goopta -- I've decided to make a career move to the Scientologists.'

"Must dash - I'm appearing in a 'restaurant soup' cartoon this afternoon..."

'We wanted to see the world while it's still in focus.'

'So- supernatural phenomena, we meet again.'

'Let's beat it before he realizes he's eating our decoy!'

"This family group idea is the lamest thing we've ever done!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'Move over, buster -- affirmative action!'

'He says he knows exactly where we're coming from.'

One night, Albert got haunted by a Heavy Metal demon.

"Can you cleanse the space of all the roach and mice spirits?"

'Sorry I'm late - there was a mixup, and I got reincarnated in Naples instead of Nepal.'