Gun Shop Regular Gifts

"We'll waive the 10 day wait period if you don't buy ammunition for 10 days."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

'Okay, on the count of three we fight back. One. . . Two. . .'

'Pull...'

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

'Computers' 'Hardware' 'Software'

Boss, customers are asking why you've doubled prices. I'm just being fair. When the cost of coffee beans go up, everyone thinks I'm justified in raising the price of coffee. But cost increases come in all shapes and sizes. What about my new 80" tv? What about my new car note? What about my manservant I just imported from London? I dream of the day when all costs can be passed on to customers equally. Greed is not a civil right issue!

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

What?

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'Sorry ... I'm having a 'bad hair' day.'

'There...now you'll fit in with the other plucked turkeys, er, footballers.'

'It's what we were afraid of, Virgil. Someone's selling guns to the Indians.'

"For extra protection, this one is armed with a tiny gun of its own."

'Lovely private view . . . must come again to see the pictures.'

'Well, yes, I guess so; the Warmington AR-20 could drop a man at 500 metres.'

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

Try our bottomless cup of coffee!

"I'll be glad when I get rid of this handover!"

'There ought to be background checks before people can vote.'

The Gun that made the West feel good about itself

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

Fido's begging days were over.

It's the Dr. Sadie advice hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking nothing but Christmas-related calls. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You're on, Vancouver. What's your problem?! I'm an atheist. How come there's no national holiday for that? There is! It's called "Christmas"! The ads and the marketers have sucked everything religious out of it. Nothing in the Bible says "thou shalt shop." Good point.

"One can often infer things about the environment from the overall health of the bird population."