Beauty Shop Regular Gifts

'Now, don't get all bent out of shape -- it was just a strip poker game down at the beauty shop.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

Boss, customers are asking why you've doubled prices. I'm just being fair. When the cost of coffee beans go up, everyone thinks I'm justified in raising the price of coffee. But cost increases come in all shapes and sizes. What about my new 80" tv? What about my new car note? What about my manservant I just imported from London? I dream of the day when all costs can be passed on to customers equally. Greed is not a civil right issue!

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"Let's change things up a bit. Give me the crinkle cut."

"Something nocturnal."

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

"Well sir. . . you could have a crew cut, flat top, a stiff quiff, a hi-top fade. . . "

Beauty Bee

'Sorry ... I'm having a 'bad hair' day.'

'There...now you'll fit in with the other plucked turkeys, er, footballers.'

'Lovely private view . . . must come again to see the pictures.'

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

"Shall I give your eyebrows a little touch up, Miss?"

"One can often infer things about the environment from the overall health of the bird population."

People Who Talk To Elvis...

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

'Do you have any of the perfume that makes me look like Angelina Jolie?'

Try our bottomless cup of coffee!

"I'll be glad when I get rid of this handover!"

It's the Dr. Sadie advice hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking nothing but Christmas-related calls. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You're on, Vancouver. What's your problem?! I'm an atheist. How come there's no national holiday for that? There is! It's called "Christmas"! The ads and the marketers have sucked everything religious out of it. Nothing in the Bible says "thou shalt shop." Good point.

"Fishing takes patience. I'll have more worms next week."

"Give me coffee or give me death."

"Great to be back at the 'office', just a glass of water for me, thanks."

Coffee tables styled as espresso, Americano and tall skinny latte.

'Do fish really go for this stuff?' - 'I don't know. No fish has ever come in here.'

Fashionistas 2012 - 'I'm Rapunzel!'

'It isn't every day that a client gives me a free hand to be creative.'

I'd like a small coffee. One big coming up. I said a small! That's what it is. But we call it a big now. The medium is now called grandeur, and the large is the skyscraper. Yeah, and what do you call these inflated prices? Cheaper.

"I asked for razzle-dazzle – not frizzle-frazzle."

"You're doing too much, Mort." "I don't know what you mean." "Optimum scruffiness is a delicate balance. One cannot have both wild hair and a wild mustache. It must be one or the other." "What about Einstein? He was behaired all over the place." "The only exceptions are for hobos, bikers and the big-brained." "I rode my Huffy here, does that count?"