Gumshoe Buff Gifts

Mystery of the Poets

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"...and that growl has turned many a hunter into vegetarians!"

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"Mom wants us to spend 'Quality time' together, so don't blame me."

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

Fitness Course.

"Just great. These humans bring us back from extinction just in time for another global climate catastrophe."

"Shoot, I forgot this place has early checkout."

"In my workout this morning I hit a new personal best, but on a seasonally adjusted basis, my numbers actually fell."

'What do you mean I have to buy both of them?! What kind of a business are you running?'

'That isn't true Mrs. Jones, I can find my ass with both hands. And if you want me to prove it, it'll be $150.00 a day, plus expenses.'

"Steroids."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"...and I'm an incredibly flexible gymnast. If you get my drift..."

"Oh, we're not bouncers. We just can't fit through the door."

"I've been working exclusively on my core."

'Soon as your endorphins kick in, you'll feel great.'

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

Arm wrestling champion. (man in wheelchair).

'Can't you spell? This is 'muscle beach.' You want 'M-U-S-S-E-L Beach.''

"What the hell happened in P.E.?"

'Grandpa's been working out!'

"My art dealer assured me people will think it's worth a lot mo is."re than it

'If you count my outie, I've got a seven-pack.'

Dashiell Hammett

'I thought that we would grow old gracefully together, but Bruce has to get 'pumping iron' out of his system first.'

'Notice how the TV goes dim when we stop pedalling!'

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

'The name's Victoria. I was told I could find a gumshoe here.'