Grocery Gumshoe Gifts

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'It concludes with 'Don't bother to ask. You'll never find out what some of these ingredients do.' '

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Mystery of the Poets

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

Food samples in supermarket - 'There's a stick in mine.'

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

After her laser surgery, Alice was able to read barcodes without an optical scanner.

'Rover is sulking because he helped bag the goose and all he gets for dinner is dog food.'

'That isn't true Mrs. Jones, I can find my ass with both hands. And if you want me to prove it, it'll be $150.00 a day, plus expenses.'

Complex Carbs

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' colour

"You really shouldn't shop when you're hungry."

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

"Mummy! Can't we go to Tescos like everyone else?"

'The name's Victoria. I was told I could find a gumshoe here.'

Dadonomics

Dashiell Hammett

Organic Milk

Fresh Food and Regurgitated

"If this food is healthy, then what about the rest of the store?"

Detective Dinkins always made sure suspects knew how good he was at getting them to talk.

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'

'I let Facebook and My-Space do most of the leg work. I just park outside houses wearing a trilby.'

'My broker advises me to have the pork bellies.'

"It's a plutocrot - a cross between a plutocrat and an apricot."

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

Have a nice day - This Means You.

10 items or less

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

Petition to ban petitions from outside this market.