Guilty Pleasure Guru Gifts

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

"That does it! I'm going on a diet! Baldo, hide these pastries where I can't find them."

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

"The best thing about this, is the lovely honeycomb centre."

A couple decides what to watch.

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

Musical genres

"I'm a monster."

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

'He's a parody of a tired genre.'

Golf escape.

A Donut Ride Outside of a Police Station

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

"He was 95. The doctors reckon it was either the bacon, the beer, the whiskey, the smoking, the wine, the steaks, the coffee, the butter, the biscuits or just too much sunshine that finally did him in."

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"It's my day off."

Wet Wipes: My Guilty Secret

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

The Food of Shame.

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

"Gangs Of Nude Beach"

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'I got 5 years for something I didn't do. I didn't run fast enough. . .'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

REPLACING THE BURGER TANKS AT MR. BIG'S.

"I've been reading the trashiest scientific abstract."

"This advice column is the worst trash I've ever read! And I should know! I've been reading it every day for the past 20 years!"

"I am Baldonator, the meanest fighter around! No one dares mess with me."

'Got anything more exciting?' - 'Yes, under the counter we have hamburger and chips, beer and chocolate cake.'

'Fascinating. The rats choose chocolate nine times out of ten, but they always feel guilty about it later.'