Guilty Pleasures Devotee Gifts

No Shame. Please help.

"When troubles begin to take their toll, it’s nice to take a little stroll!"

"The best thing about this, is the lovely honeycomb centre."

A couple decides what to watch.

'The cake timer dinged, Mom, and so did my stomach.'

"I'm a monster."

"Darlin', I finally figured out the true meaning of life. It's a well=worn chair, a nasty old pipe, cheap brandy and a moth-eaten dog with a sphincter problem."

"You wanted to see the pastry chef, sir."

"A trough full of food, mud to roll around in: Who cares if we can't fly..."

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

Golf escape.

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'

"We were out-gunned from the get-go. We're fidget spinners and they're Rubik's Cube."

A Donut Ride Outside of a Police Station

"He was 95. The doctors reckon it was either the bacon, the beer, the whiskey, the smoking, the wine, the steaks, the coffee, the butter, the biscuits or just too much sunshine that finally did him in."

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"It's my day off."

"So I said to myself...who am I to deny this calling?"

The Food of Shame.

Wet Wipes: My Guilty Secret

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

I resolve to drive past a gym at least twice a week

"If a bowl of ice cream isn't the answer, you're asking the wrong question."

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

'I got 5 years for something I didn't do. I didn't run fast enough. . .'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

Rich Cow: 'Michael Jackson'

REPLACING THE BURGER TANKS AT MR. BIG'S.

What do you like most about presents?

"I've been reading the trashiest scientific abstract."

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"

"This advice column is the worst trash I've ever read! And I should know! I've been reading it every day for the past 20 years!"