Guilt-free Greenie Gifts

Environmental Conscience

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Chocs away.

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

Meat Department

The four major food groups.

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"I switched hobbies from tropical fish to gardening. I won't feel so bad if I kill a plant."

Hell's Allotment Holders.

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

"First the good news, there's no longer any point in you eating broccoli."

'...You need to eat your Greenies so that you grow-up big and strong like Daddy!'

Recipes from the Revised Senior Citizen Cookbook

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

McDonald's Wraps Burgers in Grass Paper

There's no reason to feel guilty - You're not the only vegetarian to get swine flu.

Weight Loss Cheat.

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

Newspaper headlines before and after Christmas.

'I just feel so guilty if they don't get off the leash at least once a week.'

"I like subtitles. I can watch the movie, skip the book, and not feel guilty."

The day Kevin turned vegetarian.

"You know very well what subscription forms."

'Oh no. How are you going to get it out of that little hole?'