Guilt Alleviator Gifts

Feeling guilty? Florest

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'God, quick! Give me the gift of the gab.'

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

'Is it okay if I'm represented by counsel on open-school night?'

The Confessional: a bored priest listens to a confession.

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

Nobody ever listens to what I say phobia.

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

'Just stop listening to Public Broadcasting, and your guilt complex should clear right up!'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

"The longer I work here, the bigger my stress ball needs to be".

Will assuage guilt for money.

'Part of me wants to get caught. I need to get in touch with that part and beat the hell out of it.'

"Of course it was good, Milton. . . But the best part is it took my mind off the condition the country is in for nearly twenty minutes!"

Shrink to criminal - 'At what age did you lose your innocence?'

'I know I'm just a weather reporter, doc, but I feel guilty every time it rains.'

"I'd hate to be hooked up to that thing."

'If he starts to pet you excessively whilst she's shouting it usually means he's feeling guilty.'

"I'm seriously thinking of granting a pardon to Goldilocks."

'It was March, 1842. I said, ‘Walter, you can't stay mad FOREVER!''

Man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Did You Forget Mother's Day?

'We just couldn't live with ourselves if we put mother in a home...'

Arms-race-phobia.

'Aack! Four star guilt!!'

"You know very well what subscription forms."