Guilt Philosopher Gifts

"Who broke my St. Pius figurine?"

'You can just forget about the cake.'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"She can forgive Nixon, but she can't forgive me."

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'I could have made money in the stock market if I had only found the right 'How to invest' book...'

"Ted's been down in the dumps since they started giving greed a bad name."

'You're lucky. At least you know your troubles aren't psychosomatic!'

A pivotal scene from 'Faust: The Road Movie.'

"That's an old wives' tale. Money does make you happy!"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

'Just stop listening to Public Broadcasting, and your guilt complex should clear right up!'

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

"I could never leave this place—this is where I grew up."

Will assuage guilt for money.

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

Waking up with a terrible hangover, Joe took a minute to remember what he'd done last night...he spent the rest of his life trying to forget.

The Stock Market Giveth. . . The Stock Market Taketh Away.

"Ambitions... to be corrupted by power"

'Something is bothering you Roger. A wife can tell.'

'Forty-eight felony counts have taught me not to try to do everything myself.'

"I asked if it would kill her to say'I love you' every once in a while."

'If he starts to pet you excessively whilst she's shouting it usually means he's feeling guilty.'

"Grief takes many forms. But don't worry, we're here to help you fill them out."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

Probation Officer

...Then they got me on some trumped up morals charge.

'I like it, but I feel dungeons are a more enlightened way to go.'

'At least getting run over by a hearse fit his sense of humour.'