Guidance Adventurer Gifts

"First time with a coach?"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

At the Museum

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"Needs to get a life"

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

A surprise in heaven

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

Man propelled by love

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'This is way better than a litter box.'

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

Halo Frisbee.

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Show off."

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"I told you, if you're looking for a road map for your life, that's all you're gonna get."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'