Guard Duty Fan Gifts

'I'm a guard dog too.'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

"All rise."

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

'Are we ready to order?'

"I didn't know we were supposed to flush them!"

'I always wanted two lips!' Why the chicken crossed the road.

Veteran mistakes ironclad ship for Noah's Ark

Really big bang

Broken down ambulance means horse and man have to carry stretcher

It's 'safety first' for Gary the goat.

'Stand back!...She's cleared out three local stores in the last year.'

"Lollipop man, dear.. what lollipop man?"

"He's not here to keep someone from breaking in. He's here to keep students from breaking out!"

Coming to a crossroads in his life, Pinnochio faced a difficult decision.

Global warming and forest fires

"Sorry ma'am. My computer says this is the wrong building."

'Whoa neat, how do you do that?!'

'The fire brigade are on the way. But in the meantime, I'm totally posting this online.'

"I knew you'd come!"

'I'm on century duty.'

'The police arrived instantly when I had a heart attack, and firefighters saved my sister's life. But I don't want the government involved in my health care!'

"Easy does it, Ralph."

Make my day.

"Going to the beach with Master is not all that much fun: My job is to guard his stuff while he goes for a swim..."

Betty liked to use safety glasses

Saving the leaf.

'Oh, it just a little something to go hunting in.'

'Now that's what I call a guard dog.'

"Can I see some I.D. - not that security doesn't already have you pegged."

"I'm looking for a sense of security and piece of mind in a short-recoil-operated, single-action semiautomatic."

"As long as I like to chase cars I might as well get paid for it!"

'Hmmm, identifiable markings: striped shirt, whistle. Ah, he must be refereeus footballicus.'

"They were a wedding gift."