Grumpy Gifter Pillows

Christmas - Let's get it over with.

Another day at work would be one too many...

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"From the gentleman at the end of the barre."

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Shop for cats

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

Bagel problems.

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"Sayyy - you've had some work done!"

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

Grumpy Old Men

'Kids get right up my nose!'

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

'Sunnyside down.'

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

Make Your Own

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

'FQ...?'

"Stop moaning - you'll ruin our weekend away..."

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

'No.'

'The problem with politics is politicians!'

'I've had it with your bright, sunny, upbeat...'

"No more cross buns for you!"

Moan Pig.

The Golden Book of Lying & Cheating