Gross Humor Fan Gifts

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Introducing...Anagraman.

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

Pastry Hat

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'Check out the old dude.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'More government surveillance!'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

The Pencil and Sharpener