Grooming Aficionados T-Shirts

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

'It only takes a second to pick up a comb and make it look like you give a damn.'

Back-Stage Shaving

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Lesser known greek gods,

"Absolutely not!"

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

Sheep In Curlers

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

In the shaving cut operating room of a hospital.

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

Time to trim the eyebrows!

The wool club for mammoths.

'YOU try shaving without a reflection sometime!'

"Actually, Occam, the simplest explanation is that you need an electric razor."

Safari man shearing lions mane.

After deliberating on the topic for weeks, I've decided to grow out my toenails. Why? My mane of hair is lustrous and thick. My musk is overpowering. My muscles, toned. Primal. Sinewy. My chest hair is coifed and glistening. But I can't rest on my laurels. The only way to maximize my animal magnetism at this point is to grow talons. I'm a victim of my success. And here I was worried about world peace.

"Well sir. . . you could have a crew cut, flat top, a stiff quiff, a hi-top fade. . . "

"Come on, let me cut your fringe! You look ridiculous!"

"I beg your pardon, but a mustache is required in the dining room. Would you like us to provide you with one?"

World of Cow: Horn Gel

"Yes dear, I'm sure if it were smaller the pepper mill would make a fine ear and nose hair trimmer."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

"Could you just make it a little awkward for a few weeks?"

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

Man heading towards the House of Mirrors with a shaving kit.

"You never finish your screenplay, but you do achieve fuller, thicker hair."

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

'I just got so fed up with bumping into things all the time that I cut my fringe...'

Hipsters knit their beards.