Grocery Giggles Gifts

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I might just get a pie."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"There's a caterpillar in my food."

'Would that be rare, or medium rare?'

Eye of Newt Helper

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

"Leave room for sex."

"This artificial flavouring doesn't taste like artificial flavouring."

Vegetarian restaurant: 'Two vegetarians please.'

Low income vampires.

Self Checkout

Monday. Restaurant. Daily special. Steak. Tuesday. Hamburger. Wednesday. Homestyle meatloaf. Thursday. I know this is your favorite restaurant, and I guess it's okay to eat here again today ... but tomorrow we'll probably need to find someplace else to eat! Daily special. Cream of meatloaf soup.

"My bouche was not amused."

"This smells really funny. Is that going to be a problem for you?"

"Filet Mignon, medium irradiated."

Break Bread, Not Wind.

'Waiter? You're in my soup!'

Turkey Goes Into Dressing Room and Comes Out Cooked

"Something this big."