Grocery Giggles Pillows

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I might just get a pie."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Would that be rare, or medium rare?'

"There's a caterpillar in my food."

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

Eye of Newt Helper

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

"This artificial flavouring doesn't taste like artificial flavouring."

"Leave room for sex."

Low income vampires.

Vegetarian restaurant: 'Two vegetarians please.'

Self Checkout

"This smells really funny. Is that going to be a problem for you?"

Turkey Goes Into Dressing Room and Comes Out Cooked

'Waiter? You're in my soup!'

"My bouche was not amused."

"Filet Mignon, medium irradiated."

"Something this big."

... Harold at the stomach pump.

'Let's take a break and go laugh at customers in the produce section trying to open those little plastic bags.'