Grocery Gag Lover Gifts

Express lane - zero items.

Bubble Gum Farms.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

'YAY! PATE!'

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'

The monster was surprised to receive a medical bill from Dr. Frankenstein.

The Fart Side

Eye of Newt Helper

"Is it working?"

"I love it when they come with warning labels."

'Admit it you need glasses, that is my false eyelash you have just sprayed.'

"Mummy! Can't we go to Tescos like everyone else?"

'Methane Happens.'

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

"Apparently, this is his 'great lost masterpiece...'"

My uncle was a world-famous chainsaw juggler. For one show.

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

Florida Wildlife Today's Featured Species is the Old Goat

'Tell me more about this strange man...'

'No thanks - When I finish this drink I'm going straight to hell.'

'This is great. A fruit you can eat, drink and wash your ears with.'

1909 - Pablo Picasso started wearing contact lenses but would never admit they were useless.

Potato-ade - unleash the awesome power of the potato!

Inventor of the First Ceiling Fan: 'Almost There.'