Grits Gourmet Gifts

'I'm learning to say Y'all and I like Grits.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Queen of Quinoa

Tarzan of the Grapes.

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

100k Desert Crawl

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

Cat eating fish from fishbowl.

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

Gross! Get you external hard drive off the dinner table!

"I'm using this travel site to map out a trip to the land of Everything's Deep Fat Fried."

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' colour

'Oof.'

'It's the same as our regular Angels hair pasta, but with extra grease.'

Chinese Novel Cookie

"It needs a dash of gravel, I reckon."

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

"Just picking up some Super Bowl provisions."

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

Picasso paints AND eats like a child!

"Cemetery Pie"

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"No, thank you. I'd prefer seeing a menu from the restaurant across the street."

'Whatever fast food - fried stuff, fat, sugar, salt for the 'Doesn't Bother Me' person'.

'I'd take that with a pinch of salt if I thought the council could spare any.'

Cow puts salad dressing on grass.

'My broker advises me to have the pork bellies.'

"We're looking for a hacker to break into our competitors computers and get their recipes."

Waiter, there's a wireless earbud phone in my soup.

'Thank goodness the FDA now requires us to number each grape. We were almost caught up around here.'

"Dinner's ready."

'Meadow fescue, meadow grass and perennial ryegrass! This is going to be the best party ever!'

In The Olive Garden, we harvest bread sticks year round.

'My New Year's resolution is to eat more fruits and vegetables.'