Grass Gourmet Gifts

Grass Snobs

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

Chew!

"She's a connoisseur. She won't touch anything other than Kentucky blue grass."

'Meadow fescue, meadow grass and perennial ryegrass! This is going to be the best party ever!'

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

Despite my new found wealth, the grass still tastes the same.

'Ready, Steady, Cook!', with a cow contestant.

A cow has a picnic with a rug with a hole in it, so he can eat the grass underneath.

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Queen of Quinoa

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Veggie Hall of Fame.

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

Stuffing the turkey.

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Pie chart"

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"I certainly hope you're composting the leftovers."