Grief Warrior Gifts

'I lost my best friend last year and Lisa, here, is part of my support group.'

'Grief counselling'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

Nervous Oral Testing

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

Big slipper.

For sale

"Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that Barbara decided she wanted to start exercising more after her surgery."

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

Unhappy, Happy, and Well Being Consultant Theatre Masks.

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'Before I quit I couldn't even spell rehabilitation.'

Concern Chart

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

"First day out of bed?"

'What happens when we run out of gas?!'

'...Then touch your toes twenty times.'

'He's a true athlete... tennis elbow, jogger's feet, and skier's knees.'

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

A man tries to avoid going over the waterfall of alcohol dependence.

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

'Jenkins came back from his vacation a little too decompressed.'

'Touching.'

'So we meet again...'