Grief Warrior Gifts

'I lost my best friend last year and Lisa, here, is part of my support group.'

'Grief counselling'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Nervous Oral Testing

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

"Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that Barbara decided she wanted to start exercising more after her surgery."

Big slipper.

For sale

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

Unhappy, Happy, and Well Being Consultant Theatre Masks.

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

'What happens when we run out of gas?!'

Concern Chart

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

'Before I quit I couldn't even spell rehabilitation.'

"First day out of bed?"

'...Then touch your toes twenty times.'

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

'He's a true athlete... tennis elbow, jogger's feet, and skier's knees.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

'Touching.'

'Jenkins came back from his vacation a little too decompressed.'

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

A man tries to avoid going over the waterfall of alcohol dependence.

"I bit my tongue...but the bandages won't stick!"