Grief Survivor Gifts

"He refuses to let me get on with the grieving process."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

'Grief counselling'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

Ereptile Dysfunction

"Oh no! You, again?"

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

"On your previous visit you were describing how you were unable to express grief at the death of your first dog, Ranger. Please continue."

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'It's ok, sir, we'll put you in touch with one of our grief counselors.'

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

Days of Christmas.

'It freaks me out that you're keeping your dead mum preserved in Formalin on the mantelpiece!'

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"Recently separated."

'Touching.'

"Every time there was a rift in our relationship, we got a cat."

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.