Green Thumb Humorist Gifts

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

"If we make it greener on this side of the river, the wildebeests will cross here..."

'Be sure to get the whole root.'

Trained tortoise

'Try to remember what it said on the packet.'

'Doing anything nice for Easter?'

"I'm switching the farm from dairy to organic crops only. You'll have to work a lot harder to earn your keep."

'If you pretend to water these fake flowers they'll last longer.'

Man watering a plant pot from which a woman's plait is growing

'You haven't much experience in plant conservation, have you Winthorpe?'

'I'm trying to increase my pocket money... Do you need some Guano to fertilize your garden, sir?'

'It's cool that you found a hobby, but I have to say that bag is really freaking' me out.'

Garden trolls

Hairdresser pruning a vegetable.

November: Your lawn will have stopped growing now.

Lift your main crop of potatoes

The Gardener's Holiday: Don't leave produce behind you to perish.

'Honey, you got the wrong kind of air plant.'

"It says here...'palm tree'." (portrait)

'...then Noah, who was obviously not a gardener, took two aphids, two cutworms, and two Japanese beetles.'

"I find I don't get as high since they made it legal."

"Incidentally, I'm ordering all this fertilizer for peaceful purposes."

Prize vegetables.

"First time pruning?"

Allotment

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

Greenfingers.

The Garden

"Mulch madness"

"I can't make it out - on the packet it said radishes."

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

'I've found a spade I like Julia...'