Green Interviewee Gifts

'We are an environmentally sensitive organization. We will have to do a background check on the size of your carbon footprint before we can make an offer of employment.'

I'm a self-made man!

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"Seriously?"

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

Personnel. Now, I want you to forget everything you learned in school. I'm way ahead of you!

'If I got the job as a sales manager here at Zenadine, I would probably straggle in around 10, then surf the Net for a while, do a crossword...'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"Well, Mom, I guess you saw what happened."

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"This position requires someone with a thick skin... Well, do you think you're up to the job, big nose?"

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

'Yes, I am looking for an ambitious person and no,I don't have any plans to retire in the near future.'

"So did you do all your leadership training online?"

"Ideally, we're looking for someone who can handle change."

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'

"I didn't get the job: apparently, burying your head in the sand is not a good project management strategy..."