Green Interviewee Pillows

'We are an environmentally sensitive organization. We will have to do a background check on the size of your carbon footprint before we can make an offer of employment.'

I'm a self-made man!

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Veggie Hall of Fame.

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Seriously?"

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"This is great. I've been playing miniature golf so often I almost forgot what regular-sized golf is like."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

"So did you do all your leadership training online?"

'Yes, I am looking for an ambitious person and no,I don't have any plans to retire in the near future.'

"Well, Mom, I guess you saw what happened."

"This position requires someone with a thick skin... Well, do you think you're up to the job, big nose?"

"Ideally, we're looking for someone who can handle change."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

"I didn't get the job: apparently, burying your head in the sand is not a good project management strategy..."