Interviewing Ninja Pillows

'This good news is that I am prepared to offer you a six figure annual salary. The bad news is that it included the decimal.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

How are you at decision making?

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

Good Luck!

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

'We appreciate your back of the envelope calculation, Mike. Now put a stamp on the front and send it to somebody who cares.'

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

Interview.

"Is this something that could hold till Monday, Chris?"

Book Thief in True Crime Department

"We need a better piling system."

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

'Yes, I am looking for an ambitious person and no,I don't have any plans to retire in the near future.'

"Building a ninja-attracting business culture is easy. Keeping them focused on equity-based financial analysis? Not so easy."

"This position requires someone with a thick skin... Well, do you think you're up to the job, big nose?"

"Please excuse the mess. We had a major paradigm shift."

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"Mr. Kennings was going to interview you for the job, until he heard you actually wanted to get paid."

"Tell us something we don't know."

'What's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?'

Avoid talking about personal and domestic issues at interviews, unless asked.

'My tutor kindly agreed to help!'

"I've got three michelin stars, two for cookery and one for turning up to the interview!"