Meeting Ninja Pillows

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

Precisely when did you first start feeling invisible in meetings?

'Just read the apoligies for absence, then we can both go home.'

"Actually, I wasn't paying any attention to what you just said, but I LOOK interested and engaged, don't I? Cosmetic Eyebrow Surgery!! It's totally changed my LIFE!!"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

Go team!

That party went well.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Trade Show Sherpas

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

Best Seller

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"Turtling: When a child's backpack exceeds his weight"

The Card Flinger

Good Luck!

'All right, I wanna know which one of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"Oh, go on Jeffrey. . . Give him an order!"

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'Pretty please stay asleep till the morning,'

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

At the printers - "Business is booming I need 6 more business cards, ASAP."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

Bob tried networking – and crashed it.

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

Book Thief in True Crime Department

"I hear you've got friends in high places...?"

"We need a better piling system."

'Before you go, introduce yourself, so that I know who you were...'

'I'm sorry, Bennett; but we gave the job to O'Toole. You have the know-how, but he had the know-who.'