Greedologist Gifts

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Secretive Weigh In.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

You gotta hand it to the old man, he still knows how to motivate!

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

'What's holding him up?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'I'm not motivated by profit, Henderson - I'm motivated by excessive profit.'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

Greed.

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

Happy hour.

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'Economic Growth' Elephant balancing on top of the world in a circus ring. Accompanied by a 'fat cat' ring master.

"I make money, therefore I am."

'Today I invested in some Chinese stocks, but I felt greedy again in an hour.'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'Just be patient. Greed always makes a come back.'

'I have a photographic memory but the images are really low resolution.'

We Sell Chinese Stocks - Management is not responsible of you feel greedy again in an hour.

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

"Ted's been down in the dumps since they started giving greed a bad name."

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Aging population in Cuba

"Yes, I'm sure it's my glass slipper - arch supports, odor-eaters, and you can see where I chipped away some glass for my bunions."

Mayfly Retirement Home: 'It's a real worry, so many of us living well into our 25 hour. . .'