Graveside Giggler Gifts

'Why is he always hanging around?'

'He was a devout agnostic.'

The Busy Gardener

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"Garden variety allergies."

Hardy Annuals

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

Get on with it!

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

Yard Sale

Beginning Yarder.

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Fancy a pint?

"What are you in for?"

'It was this big. I swear'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

'...and this is the water garden...'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'Where are you going?'

'He's wearing a toupee.'

Balding gnomes

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

'He never listened to his mother!'

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.