Grave Digger Gifts

This was not in my job description.

'It needs to be wider.' 'Ah ha! The plot thickens.'

'As a cemetery worker... I prefer working the 'graveyard' shift!'

"He always liked baseball"

"Don't dig there, dig it elsewhere. You're digging it round and it ought to be square."

The goblin and the sexton

'Why is he always hanging around?'

"Yorick, you dolt! Alas, poor Yorick!"

The King of going a long way for a small joke...

'No, the measurements aren't wrong - apparently he was run over by a steam roller!'

Grave Digger Sackings.

'So much for the sheriff who was going to clean up our town.'

'Are you sure his wife asked for fresh flowers in his lapel every day?'

"A decent burial yes but it was only a canary!"

Anti-vaxxers good for business.

Oakland cemetery: moved!

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Go! Means NOW!

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'I want to empower you to fulfill your potential! If you can work 16 hours today, then your 20-hours shift tomorrow should really elevate your self-esteem'!

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Man runs scared from ringing graveyard bell.

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

'I think I've scored.'

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

Ventriloquist Grave

'We're getting closer - That's a goldfish.'

'It says here that later in life they were able to patch things up and became best of friends.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.